My long road back

My focus on fitness as been lacking the past couple years and my body is definitely feeling the toll.  Lately I've been feeling the itch to pull myself back together and see what this slowly aging, slightly overweight, broken down body has to offer.  

My biggest excuse for my lack of aerobic exercise is my two fantastic daughters.  Caring for them the last 16 months has been a full time affair and I wouldn't change that for the world.  However, now that I've added two little, super-fans to my cheering section, I have a new motivation to get myself back into shape.  When you have two little wide-eyed munchkins staring up at you with adoration, like you're some kind of Superman, you actually start to believe it yourself.  

So begins my next adventure in fitness....   The road starts here:  A new Schwinn Arrow Double Jogging Stroller, arriving by main on May 2nd.

Wish me luck!

Where does the time go?

Man... it's been almost two years since I've posted on this thing... Damn I'm tired... and out of shape!!!  What the hell have I been doing for the past year?

Maybe its time to get the band back together?  Anyone have any advice on a decently performing, reasonably priced, double running stroller?

Flu Diet...

It's the New Year...  I'm finally starting to heal from my injuries... I'm slowly building momentum at the gym... And then *POW* I'm hit with a near fatal strain of the flu...  great timing!  I fever/metabolism + low appetite = huge weight loss!!!   I've managed to lose about 7 pounds over the last 10 days.

Anyway, in the absense of any new running/mustache updates to report I'm going to post an e-mail correspondence between my friend Jay and a headhunter because I'm feeling a little bitter right now and it amused me...

Original Headhunter e-mail:

Hi John,

Hope you're enjoying the New Year! I'm reaching out to check on your job status. Are you actively looking for a new job or trying to figure out how to be happier in your current job? CareerBliss can help you. If you're ready to find a better job, then…


Check out jobs at CareerBliss' 50 Happiest Companies in America (see these companies and their job openings). Search from more than 2,000,000 jobs that need to be filled right away.
If you're not sure it's time for a career move, use our BlissFinder tool to find out and compare your job satisfaction to others, then…

Search for better jobs near your area.  Look up salaries to see what you should be earning in 2011. Research company reviews to see what employees are saying about their companies. Post a review on your most recent employers (Don't worry, it's anonymous).

As the economy is improving, we can help you get on a happier career path this New Year. Cheers! Heidi Golledge

Chief Happiness Officer

CareerBliss.com

My friend Jay's response:

I left the United States because the economy sucks. The job market is continuously bleak. People in sales positions are constantly hounded by unreasonable quotas from management who are in turn hounded by unreasonable quotas from upper management. Upper management is in turn responsible for a division number to a VP. The VP's are usually the biggest assholes out of everyone. More often than not they haven't sold anything in a long time except their souls - or their own company stock - things that used to be intertwined in American business but are now equally pitiful. No good business will take anyone that's been out of work for too long unless they want to pick up a phone and cold call strangers - which never works. Why the hell would anybody buy anything from a stranger? I live overseas as a teacher having abandoned the American Dream because it is a farce unless you're willing to sell out or you're a cocksucker. I'm not sure how long you've had your title as "Chief Happiness Officer" and I sure don't mean to sprinkle a bit of winter slush upon your day of sunshine. But I'm sure you will fail to meet your quota any day now. When this happens your ass will be on the unemployment line wondering what ever possessed you to think you ever deserved a share of that American Dream. So take me off your list.
All the best!
-Jay

2011 new year's resolution obligatory post...

Wow... 2011... I think this is my first time actually typing the year... it's always a little sureal when you have to recondition your mind to remember that it's a whole New Year when you date documents; but 2011!!! That's just doesn't seem right. That's like the future, man?!?
Anyway, since it's a brand new year I felt like I should try to come up with some kind of resolution and after thinking long and hard about it I decided to its finally time in my life to get up off my lazy ass and grow myself a mustache… I know it’s going to be tough, but since I already started growing a winter beard back in early November I have no doubt that I will ultimately prevail… Wish me luck!

Out of the darkness...

Deep in his heart his inner runner lay dormant; a boundless spirit, free to wisp across the open fields like a brisk March wind.  He daydreamed of what it could have been like living in a simpler more primitive time.  A time when he could have run wildly through the forests, beastlike and savage.  Adorned in nothing but his fox pelt loincloth and leather moccasins* he would bolt through the forest leaping over logs and sailing over steams, sweat glistening from his furrowed brow as he forged on in hot pursuit of some unsuspecting wildebeest.  

His feet tread softly on the forest floor making scarcely a noise as he glided** effortlessly over leaf and limb.  As he approached, the prey sensed the presence of the hasty hunter.  It turned its head and in that moment their eyes met.  For a microsecond time froze as the startled beast recognized its dire situation…  And then the chase was on.

In a panic, the wildebeest broke free from the forest, galloping into the open plain.   The hunter followed close on its heels***.  The beast’s terror swelled as it ran for its very life, but the hunter knew that the beast’s efforts were futile.  The hunter could smell the beast’s fear as he sprinted after his prey, the scent pulling him ever nearer to his victim as he used his closing speed to tighten the gap.   30 meters… 20 meters… 10… 5… and then he was upon the creature.  He leapt through the air, legs spread eagle, and straddled the beast’s neck.  Twisting his body in mid air he whipped the beast to the ground and choked the life out of it with a viselike scissor hold of death…

He snaps out of his daydream and back into his modern reality.  The forests and plains have been replaced by cities and concrete.  The wildebeests no longer roam the land.  The primitive utopia is gone, eroded by the sands of time.  But the passion of that primeval runner lives on, burning deep inside his heart and loins****.  In his dreams he has conjured the spirits of his ancient ancestors and he has glimpsed the greatness that lies within us all.  He knows that he must pursue his dreams. He has reawakened the spirit… the spirit of A CHAMPION (echos loudly with plenty of reverb)*****

* and Garmin Forerunner

** or is it glid?

*** actually hoofs would be more appropriate here but that’s not nearly as much of a cliché

****especially his loins.
*****100 blogger posts and counting?

Marathon Monday (4 week lefts... oh crap)

Questions???

26 days left til the Chicago marathon... can that be right?  Does that really even matter to me?  Will I even be running it?  Can you train and complete a marathon in 26 days?...  I guess we're going to find out!

I went for a "long run" yesterday... my first "long run" in about 7 weeks...  I covered 8 miles...  Is it a bad thing when you experience DOMS from the first couple miles during the last couple miles?  :)

The great new is...  even though I'm sore today, I'm not injured sore... just extremely out of shape sore... although, I guess I can't be in that bad of shape if I can run 8 miles, Can I?... now whether or not I should be even considering running a marathon in less than 4 weeks?  Probably   Definitely not...  But for some reason I just can't quite come to the decision to call it quits...  So when am I gonna decide that it's not a good idea to run this marathon?  Alright, that one's easy... I already know it's not a good idea to run this marathon... But when am I gonna give up the idea that I'm gonna complete this marathon?  1 week before the race?  1 day before the race?  12 miles into the race? 

...and now for something completely different...
____________________________________________________

Hitting rock bottom...

So I'm feeling better than I have in quite a while and I think it's because I finally hit rock bottom of my fitness decline on Saturday night.  That's right... I went to Cold Stone Creamery for the first time...

So I step inside and the place is packed!  The girls behind the counter are running around bumping into each other trying to keep up with the orders and ice cream is flying everywhere...  I'm not gonna lie... I really enjoy ice cream... but Cold Stone Creamery takes it to a whole other level.  CSC* is a place for ice cream addicts!!!!

So I finally get up to the counter to order and I realize that instead of normal sizes, CSC lists it's sizes as 'like it', 'love it' & 'gotta have it'...  Now in the past I've been opposed to these places and their naming conventions** but I decided to not be such a crumudegeon and order a 'love it' size of the Coffee lover's only ice cream***.  My wife who was with me ordered a small (spoil sport) candy apple.

We get up to the register and everything is so crazy there that they forget to ring us up (the girls making the ice cream are also working the register)... So we wait... and pretty soon the next customer reaches the register and they ring him up...  so we wait, trying to catch the girls attention (without much sucess). And the customer behind us says "I bet you could walk out of here without paying" 

So I turn to him and explain that even though I know I could walk out right now without paying, I pretty much want to pay anyway... an not really because of my conscious... cuz honestly (an it pains me to say it****)... I'm not really a pinnacle of morality and I'm pretty sure I could steal an ice cream cone and not lose a wink of sleep about it... but because I pretty much feel that I'm at a point in my life where pulling a dine and dash on 8 bucks of ice cream just because the poor workers were busting their asses so much would be a blow to my self-respect...

Oh to see the look on that guys face... He was truly confound!  I'm pretty sure he's still sitting at home wondering why on earth I didn't walk out with free ice cream...  Like I said CSC is a place for ice cream addicts!

So we finally pay for the ice cream and my wife takes about two bites and announces:  I'm done... it's too rich for me...

and that's where I have an out of body experience... and I look on in horror as I take my spoon and scoop her enormous 'like it' (i.e. small) sized ice cream into my even more enormous 'love it' (i.e. medium) sized chocolate dipped waffle cone.

By the time I finish her scoop I'm already full... but if you read the first part of my post you'll know that I'm no quitter... and soon I had devoured the whole thing and was finishing up stuffing the last bit of waffle cone into my sticky ice cream covered face... belly full  of cream and sugar... heart full of shame...

One nightmare full, restless night later I knew I had hit rock bottom... and that's when I decided to put an end to the pity party... I spent Sunday eating healthy and exercising and now I feel much better... and hopefully this is truly the start of my next fitness revolution!

*I'm calling CSC it not because it's my trendy new hip nickname for the joint but because otherwise your google ad sense will think that you're a CSC fanatic and all your ads will be about ice cream for the next month which might cause my readers to fall into a fitness downward spiral much like the one I've previously experienced

**Damn it Starbucks... It's 7 in the morning and all I want is a small regular coffee... why do you have to make ordering this coffee more difficult than it already is?

***and just in case you were wondering I told them that I want the 'love it' size in the most effeminate voice I could muster because a) I just spent the morning watching old clips of Men on Film from In Living Color on YouTube... and b) how could I not?

****Not really

I ran today...

I'm back... 

...no wait... 


training resumes now!!!

...nope, still not quite right... 


I ran today...

...Yep, that's just about right...


It's been a tough patch.  I've taken the fall from top fitness.  I've been detrained and totally unmotivated... but I ran today and when you're in recovery you take it one day at a time...

Every new story has a beginning...  maybe today is mine... then again, maybe it isn't... but no matter... I ran today!!!